Sunday, May 23, 2010

drunken, lost, hot mess.

So much shit has happend since my last post. and it aint nothin good. Dawns been down in the dumps latley :/...ive been completly upset and dejected. Who wouldnt be? My best friends are leaving. Its killing me really. i feel like half of me has misteriously disapeared. Katie and soda lost thier kid. Brook and pony got jumped. i feel lost. like someone picked me up and dropped me in the middle of alaska or some shit. i dont know this place called "home" anymore. ive been drinking. like ur average alchoholic. brook and kit told me to stop. but i cant. It distracts me from feeling "lost" if that makes sense. So i did something that i thought might help. I went to Calebs house. idk y. and i didnt know what i wanted with him. I just needed to talk to someone, i could have talked to kitty or brook or bre. but maybe i didnt want to just talk to him, if u get what i mean..I walked to his house slowly, kicking curbs, drinking wisky as i walked. I sat on the curb drinking as much as my body would let me consume. i felt like i was in a dream sort of, That the twisted feeling in my stomach that i had for a week was only temporary, and wasnt real. As i walked the few lonley blocks i made it to his house,drunk, and in tears. but i made it thier. I dried my eyes because i didnt want him to see me like this. He was outside by his car.talking to a friend. i walked up to him slowly. "..dawn?" he said half conserned and half confused. i just stared at him. with no expression. he tried to take the bottle of whisky from me. i just pulled it back "Dawn. give me the bottle now." "no! i cant. i need it." "dawn! give me the god damn bottle!" he said pulling the bottle away from me. I looked him in the eyes after he took the bottle. i tried to keep my expresionless face. but i couldnt. i broke. and i started crying. it was either because i was real upset, or because he took my whisky. probably a little bit of both. i felt so dumb. me. dawn cade. tough as anything. crying. infront of an extremly hot guy that i liked. He pulled me in. and hugged me. I hated sympathy. it made me feel like a wussy. But no matter how much i hated it, i needed it. he brought me inside. i sat in the living room. "you want a drink or somethin?" he said walking in the kitchen. "yeah, my whisky." i said kinda bitchy. "nah. i was thinkin somethin more around the lines of lemonade or water." he said from the kitchen. i changed the subject. "wheres ur brothers."  he didnt answer my question and brought me in water, and a cup of somethin else. "drink this first. then drink the water." I put the darker drink up to my nose and smelt it. "what is this?" i said. "vinegar. damn, u act like im tryin ta poison u or somethin." he said kinda laughing. i should have known. vinegar cleans the alchohol out of all ur systems and all that jazz. i drank the vinegar, and then the water. "so whats goin on kid. why are u so upset?" he said. i told him the hole thing. About everyone leaving, about katie and the baby, everything. I hate sharing feelings. but i told him. and he gave me advice and helped me. Calebs a good kid once u get past the bad ass exterior. After we stopped talking we watched a movie bout a puppy who gets lost and needs to find his way back home with his trusty kitty cat side kick. it was intense. I fell asleep laying on caleb. I like him. he could b my alchohol for now.

28 comments:

  1. wow dawn ive never read a post of ur so depressing if u need anything im gonna be there for u.i do have good news that may cheer u up check my post. and dawn i may not kno u as much but from wat i do kno ur like my sister but i want u to be happy just kno i aint goin' no where. just to be with my friend u

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  2. hey! you know you can talk to me anytime sis. I'm happy for you and caleb. love you and im not goin anywere.
    oh and i posted plz read n comment! thanx sissy love yew

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  3. That is tasty cool D-Fresh. I'm so happy for you an Caleb and all your little romantic jizz :3 I wish I was in love, but no I was given a fat kid. Oh well, you know you can ALWAYS come to me for help. Lov ya biffer <3

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  4. lmfao..givin a fat kid. thats kjna fuhnny kid XD.

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  5. Dawn! Do I have to beat you to make you understand I'm there for you always! And this is where always comes in. Geez girl, you could have killed yourself. Don't you ever scare me like that or I will beat you with my wooden spoon. I own this Caleb guy big time.

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  6. Lol. Vinegar, I had forgotten about it. It does clean the alcohol out of your system but taste like shit. I remembered Darry used to make me drink that. Ew.

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  7. Ye rite breana, ur such a bitch 4 cheating on Darry with dallas, and now r DATING him????!!!!!!!!!!.... U act like nothing has happened... Wat a fucking ho

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  8. U KNOW WHAT ANONYMOUS? U CAN JUST STUFF IT. U DONT EVEN KNOW US. HOW CAN U TALK LIKE DAT?!?!?! ESPECIALLY WHEN U DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW THE PERSON.

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  9. lol. its cool james. fuck the haters :).

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  10. if they think talking smack bout bre is gna make them feel good then let um. they obvi dont know her and are just making wrong judjements. so they can fuck themselves :p.

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  11. no,i ACTUALY no wh u ppl r..YOU guyz,r the ones who don't know ME....so ya

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  12. You can fuck off, I'll do what I want, and I wanna date Dallas. So shut the fuck up and mind your own business. I'll live my life how I wanna live it and you can suck it up and deal with it.

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  13. sure,u can date dallas..but ur still an assfuckerbitchhwhore

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  14. Who the hell are you to judge me? You don't even know me. So you can keep running your mouth, but since none of what you're saying is the facts it isn't gonna do anything. Have fun wasting your time loser.

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  15. I just want to say this. I wish that the anonymous person would stop posting mean thing's. Like who do u think u are?

    P.S This is someone who use to be on the blog

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  16. Dude. The fuck with the douche bag comments everywhere?

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  17. I know like what the hell is wrong with this person. They really need to stop

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  18. umm.....i agree with the first anonymous, breanna is a whore, and shes a really shitty persons and not a friend. shes an attation whore, always claming that shes going to quit but never accually giving us the good fortion of doing so. shes really insignificant to the blogs and it would make them WAY better if she just sucked it up and left.

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  19. Wow. Perfect example of why people dissapoint me. Dear Anonymous, I'm going to be really nice to you, though you clearly don't deserve it. Breanna and Dallas are dating and guess what? There is nothing you can do about it. So suck it up. Sure, you know who we are, but that's because you care enough to find out. Us? We don't care. We don't even care enough to figure out your name. Bre is my friend and she's staying, whether you like it or not.

    This is just so immature. I mean, don't you have something better to do than be going around with pathetic attempts to make yourself feel better by insulting others? Oh right. Stupid question. Either way hun, whatever you say, it really has no relevance. Say it or not, it's not like it's going to do anything. So why don't you just save yourself having to hear from me? Go and be a little bitch somewhere else.

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  20. I think this person started to get really mean after I quit. It's a shame how this person can be so mean. People have feelings and u shouldn't say thing's to people u don't even know, no not even that u just shouldn't say anything at all. We don't want to hear it.

    P.S I still read all of ur guy's blogs and I still enjoy them :)

    Love Emily

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  21. What makes you all think its just a fan? It could be anyone from the blogs dude. That knows you. Just sayin'.
    -Carson.
    ps. it wasn't me XD

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  22. plus any anonymous could put
    -Carson
    but i really know its you so don't worry.

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  23. Guys :3. lets stop fighting and b civil :). yall should play nice on mah post :3.

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  24. Ok first of all,holy shit dawn you fucking scared me dont ever do that again!!!! if you need someone i am here for you FOREVER your like a sister <3 and im never leaving no matter what happens!!!!!! second of all anonymous bitch person leave bre and every one the hell alone this is are world that we want to live in and do what evr the fuck we want sorry to be so mean but thats just the way i am im the crazy ass bitch DEAL WITH IT

    im glad for you and caleb he sounds so kool we should hang some time gurlly love yohoo i


    JAMIECrews :)

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  25. heyy. finally made one of these XD. go check it out.

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