glitter in the air pt 1

loosing hope feels like shit.
ive came to the conclusion that Bob Sheldon is the antichrist. if his goal is to knock us down, when were not to high up to begin with... like kicking a sick puppy. I give up. you win sheldon. tare me down all you want. i just dont care.
It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns latley. moneys been kind of tight for us, bob's been rubbin me the wrong way, and i dont know. everything just kind of sucks. not trying to sound like a moody bitch or nothin..
i feel alone. i know your all thier, i know you care, and i know you would help me with anything. no offense you guys..but even when you are thier, i still feel alone. i dont know how to explain it. thier must be somthing wrong with me i guess :/. ahh well. ill deal. i guess..
it was around 10 30 pm ish. rainy,kind of cold,and crappy out. i had on my sweatshirt with the hood pulled over my head, with my old jeans and converse. I walked on the curb trying to balance. like we did when we were kids. wandering helped. just me and my mind. i ended up at the park. i sat on the wet swings. thinking about things i could change for myself, and the things i cant change. "look at you, all alone in the rain huh cade?" i looked up slightly. my favorite people standing in front of me -.-. nothing but a couple of socs to top off the fucking day. "whats wrong? run out of vodka?" he laughed. so did they. i just stared at him, still on the swings. i knew i wasnt going to do anything. i couldnt. i felt frozen and to crappy to help myself. and i knew you could see it on my face. but they dont care, they like our missery. I stood up. looking up at the one who did all the talking. he looked confused or troubled for a split second. like somthing was bothering him. maybe because he felt wat i was feeling for just that split second. "come on dalton! do somthin!" his friends said behind him. he smiled an evil one. and within a second he had me pressed against a tree, grabbing my throat. i had my eyes shut, pulling back tears. i didnt want to satisfy him and let him know i was terrified. i opend my eyes. and again, i saw that look on his face. his friends were standing a good 10 ft behind us, grining. he looked behind at them. still holding a tight grip on my throat. "do somthing. you got what you wanted socs. im not fighting back. i wont feel it. im already numb." i said wispering in a shaky voice. still holding back tears.
and he loosind his grip, and let go. he just kept staring at me with that look of confusion and curiosness. "come on man whatr ya doin?" they looked at him like he was crazy. but they were behind him so he didnt see. he whisperd in my ear..
 "mental pain can hurt alot more then physical. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict. and you've got enough of it.. get better kid." he walked away. his four friends were shocked, even though they didnt hear what was sed.  i heard them asking him questions about why he did nothing. and he kept quite. and just got into the car with them. i slid down the tree and sat on the wet ground confused and shocked with my jaw practically on the floor. the blue mustang started up, and drove away. i watched it disapear into the darkness. i just sat and thought motionless. maybe not all of the socs are emotionless monsters...
I checked my phone and it was 11 30. i got up and dusted off my pants. and walked home. "hey sis" brook said sitting next to austin on our couch. "hey" i said with a small smile. "hey you okay?" austin asked.
"yeah...
 im fine."

the "hot mess" is after your ass sheldon :)

i woke up at the usual, 3 pm. i dragged myself out of bed, made johnny make me some pancakes, got dressed, and left the house.hanging out with friends wasnt on the agenda for today. as most of you know i tend to do stupid, scratch that. fucked up things when im mad. sheldon crossed the line a longggg time ago. but now he crossed MY line, and thats a pretty big mistake on his part. So? what do i do? i got dressed, and left to find sheldon on the socs side.  by myself. yea i know i know, stupid stupid STUPID idea. i agree it wasnt my most thought over plan, but its somthing i felt was a good idea at the time being. So i walked.. with only a switch in my back pocket, and an angry expression. I didnt plan on using my blade or nothin. unless i had to. i knew dam well i was asking to get jumped,and the closer i got to the socs' side of town, the more i wish i would of brought 1 or two people along. i finally made it over to the socs side, wishing i hadnt gone. but i wasnt about to turn around now. my pride got in the way, i couldnt let him do that to one of my friends and  my brother and get away with it.  i knew i could beat up bob..probably. but not him AND his friends. i got out my cell phone, tempted to call shy over. but i felt a cold hand on my shoulder. i jumped, and turned around. no other then a couple of ape faces with devilish grins. i stared at them. "nice sweaters. ur mommys knit them for you?" i said smiling. the front man shook his head with a smile on his face, like i said somthing i shouldnt of. "so we got a smart ass on our hands, dont we boys?" they laughed and the one spit on the ground next to him. i knew damn well i couldnt take them all, im not stupid. i rolled my eyes. "why dont you go fuck yourselves okay?" i said looking at them cooly. "well miss cade, your in our territory, arent you? that means your our territory."  They started walking towards me, sort of circling in. i took out my blade but the one hit it out of my hand. i gotta start holding a tighter grip on that thing  man :/. the front man grabbed my wrist and pulled me to his chest. "ya know your pretty for a greaser girl." he said with an evil smile. "let me go!" i said and punched him in the face. he let go of my wrist, but i saw someone punch another one of the guys in the face. it was andrew brumley..what was he doing on this side of town? i grabbed my knife and cut the other socs that grabbed me across the throat. then they all ran. and me and andrew were left alone in the middle of the street. "hey you okay?" andrew said out of breathe. "yea...yea im fine." i said looking around. i looked at my wrist. it had a red ring around it. "pshht well dont i feel like a woose" i said laughing. "you didnt need to help me. i could have handled it" i said, knowing i was lieng to myself. "yea yea sure" he said sarcasticly. I put my knife in my back pocket and we started walking back to our side. "so why were you over on this side of town?" he said  looking confused. "im here because bobs an ass, and i was trying to find him..but they found me first." i said smirking. "better question. why are you here?" i said looking up at him. "i had some buissness to take care of with a socs." he said looking straight in front of him. the walk back was just about everything. we talked about family and friends, socs, all our problems we both have alot of.  i got to my house around 6 o clock. johnny was laying in pain on the couch. just seeing that almost made me go back out to look for bob again. but i didnt. i just waked silently to my room. This aint over bob. i will find you.