drunken, lost, hot mess.

So much shit has happend since my last post. and it aint nothin good. Dawns been down in the dumps latley :/...ive been completly upset and dejected. Who wouldnt be? My best friends are leaving. Its killing me really. i feel like half of me has misteriously disapeared. Katie and soda lost thier kid. Brook and pony got jumped. i feel lost. like someone picked me up and dropped me in the middle of alaska or some shit. i dont know this place called "home" anymore. ive been drinking. like ur average alchoholic. brook and kit told me to stop. but i cant. It distracts me from feeling "lost" if that makes sense. So i did something that i thought might help. I went to Calebs house. idk y. and i didnt know what i wanted with him. I just needed to talk to someone, i could have talked to kitty or brook or bre. but maybe i didnt want to just talk to him, if u get what i mean..I walked to his house slowly, kicking curbs, drinking wisky as i walked. I sat on the curb drinking as much as my body would let me consume. i felt like i was in a dream sort of, That the twisted feeling in my stomach that i had for a week was only temporary, and wasnt real. As i walked the few lonley blocks i made it to his house,drunk, and in tears. but i made it thier. I dried my eyes because i didnt want him to see me like this. He was outside by his car.talking to a friend. i walked up to him slowly. "..dawn?" he said half conserned and half confused. i just stared at him. with no expression. he tried to take the bottle of whisky from me. i just pulled it back "Dawn. give me the bottle now." "no! i cant. i need it." "dawn! give me the god damn bottle!" he said pulling the bottle away from me. I looked him in the eyes after he took the bottle. i tried to keep my expresionless face. but i couldnt. i broke. and i started crying. it was either because i was real upset, or because he took my whisky. probably a little bit of both. i felt so dumb. me. dawn cade. tough as anything. crying. infront of an extremly hot guy that i liked. He pulled me in. and hugged me. I hated sympathy. it made me feel like a wussy. But no matter how much i hated it, i needed it. he brought me inside. i sat in the living room. "you want a drink or somethin?" he said walking in the kitchen. "yeah, my whisky." i said kinda bitchy. "nah. i was thinkin somethin more around the lines of lemonade or water." he said from the kitchen. i changed the subject. "wheres ur brothers."  he didnt answer my question and brought me in water, and a cup of somethin else. "drink this first. then drink the water." I put the darker drink up to my nose and smelt it. "what is this?" i said. "vinegar. damn, u act like im tryin ta poison u or somethin." he said kinda laughing. i should have known. vinegar cleans the alchohol out of all ur systems and all that jazz. i drank the vinegar, and then the water. "so whats goin on kid. why are u so upset?" he said. i told him the hole thing. About everyone leaving, about katie and the baby, everything. I hate sharing feelings. but i told him. and he gave me advice and helped me. Calebs a good kid once u get past the bad ass exterior. After we stopped talking we watched a movie bout a puppy who gets lost and needs to find his way back home with his trusty kitty cat side kick. it was intense. I fell asleep laying on caleb. I like him. he could b my alchohol for now.