glitter in the air pt 1

loosing hope feels like shit.
ive came to the conclusion that Bob Sheldon is the antichrist. if his goal is to knock us down, when were not to high up to begin with... like kicking a sick puppy. I give up. you win sheldon. tare me down all you want. i just dont care.
It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns latley. moneys been kind of tight for us, bob's been rubbin me the wrong way, and i dont know. everything just kind of sucks. not trying to sound like a moody bitch or nothin..
i feel alone. i know your all thier, i know you care, and i know you would help me with anything. no offense you guys..but even when you are thier, i still feel alone. i dont know how to explain it. thier must be somthing wrong with me i guess :/. ahh well. ill deal. i guess..
it was around 10 30 pm ish. rainy,kind of cold,and crappy out. i had on my sweatshirt with the hood pulled over my head, with my old jeans and converse. I walked on the curb trying to balance. like we did when we were kids. wandering helped. just me and my mind. i ended up at the park. i sat on the wet swings. thinking about things i could change for myself, and the things i cant change. "look at you, all alone in the rain huh cade?" i looked up slightly. my favorite people standing in front of me -.-. nothing but a couple of socs to top off the fucking day. "whats wrong? run out of vodka?" he laughed. so did they. i just stared at him, still on the swings. i knew i wasnt going to do anything. i couldnt. i felt frozen and to crappy to help myself. and i knew you could see it on my face. but they dont care, they like our missery. I stood up. looking up at the one who did all the talking. he looked confused or troubled for a split second. like somthing was bothering him. maybe because he felt wat i was feeling for just that split second. "come on dalton! do somthin!" his friends said behind him. he smiled an evil one. and within a second he had me pressed against a tree, grabbing my throat. i had my eyes shut, pulling back tears. i didnt want to satisfy him and let him know i was terrified. i opend my eyes. and again, i saw that look on his face. his friends were standing a good 10 ft behind us, grining. he looked behind at them. still holding a tight grip on my throat. "do somthing. you got what you wanted socs. im not fighting back. i wont feel it. im already numb." i said wispering in a shaky voice. still holding back tears.
and he loosind his grip, and let go. he just kept staring at me with that look of confusion and curiosness. "come on man whatr ya doin?" they looked at him like he was crazy. but they were behind him so he didnt see. he whisperd in my ear..
 "mental pain can hurt alot more then physical. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict. and you've got enough of it.. get better kid." he walked away. his four friends were shocked, even though they didnt hear what was sed.  i heard them asking him questions about why he did nothing. and he kept quite. and just got into the car with them. i slid down the tree and sat on the wet ground confused and shocked with my jaw practically on the floor. the blue mustang started up, and drove away. i watched it disapear into the darkness. i just sat and thought motionless. maybe not all of the socs are emotionless monsters...
I checked my phone and it was 11 30. i got up and dusted off my pants. and walked home. "hey sis" brook said sitting next to austin on our couch. "hey" i said with a small smile. "hey you okay?" austin asked.
"yeah...
 im fine."

the "hot mess" is after your ass sheldon :)

i woke up at the usual, 3 pm. i dragged myself out of bed, made johnny make me some pancakes, got dressed, and left the house.hanging out with friends wasnt on the agenda for today. as most of you know i tend to do stupid, scratch that. fucked up things when im mad. sheldon crossed the line a longggg time ago. but now he crossed MY line, and thats a pretty big mistake on his part. So? what do i do? i got dressed, and left to find sheldon on the socs side.  by myself. yea i know i know, stupid stupid STUPID idea. i agree it wasnt my most thought over plan, but its somthing i felt was a good idea at the time being. So i walked.. with only a switch in my back pocket, and an angry expression. I didnt plan on using my blade or nothin. unless i had to. i knew dam well i was asking to get jumped,and the closer i got to the socs' side of town, the more i wish i would of brought 1 or two people along. i finally made it over to the socs side, wishing i hadnt gone. but i wasnt about to turn around now. my pride got in the way, i couldnt let him do that to one of my friends and  my brother and get away with it.  i knew i could beat up bob..probably. but not him AND his friends. i got out my cell phone, tempted to call shy over. but i felt a cold hand on my shoulder. i jumped, and turned around. no other then a couple of ape faces with devilish grins. i stared at them. "nice sweaters. ur mommys knit them for you?" i said smiling. the front man shook his head with a smile on his face, like i said somthing i shouldnt of. "so we got a smart ass on our hands, dont we boys?" they laughed and the one spit on the ground next to him. i knew damn well i couldnt take them all, im not stupid. i rolled my eyes. "why dont you go fuck yourselves okay?" i said looking at them cooly. "well miss cade, your in our territory, arent you? that means your our territory."  They started walking towards me, sort of circling in. i took out my blade but the one hit it out of my hand. i gotta start holding a tighter grip on that thing  man :/. the front man grabbed my wrist and pulled me to his chest. "ya know your pretty for a greaser girl." he said with an evil smile. "let me go!" i said and punched him in the face. he let go of my wrist, but i saw someone punch another one of the guys in the face. it was andrew brumley..what was he doing on this side of town? i grabbed my knife and cut the other socs that grabbed me across the throat. then they all ran. and me and andrew were left alone in the middle of the street. "hey you okay?" andrew said out of breathe. "yea...yea im fine." i said looking around. i looked at my wrist. it had a red ring around it. "pshht well dont i feel like a woose" i said laughing. "you didnt need to help me. i could have handled it" i said, knowing i was lieng to myself. "yea yea sure" he said sarcasticly. I put my knife in my back pocket and we started walking back to our side. "so why were you over on this side of town?" he said  looking confused. "im here because bobs an ass, and i was trying to find him..but they found me first." i said smirking. "better question. why are you here?" i said looking up at him. "i had some buissness to take care of with a socs." he said looking straight in front of him. the walk back was just about everything. we talked about family and friends, socs, all our problems we both have alot of.  i got to my house around 6 o clock. johnny was laying in pain on the couch. just seeing that almost made me go back out to look for bob again. but i didnt. i just waked silently to my room. This aint over bob. i will find you.

the low down

we had a party it was fun yadayadayada. more important shits been going down.

number one. i gots me a new brother..yippy. its not like i have anything against the kid. he didnt do anything to me. i just dont like change. and now that we have a new brother living with us? its a little much. but hey. il adapt. hes a good kid and all, and he keeps to himself. he doesnt do anything for me to hate him. so its fine..i guess..welcome to the family little guy :/.

next on my list, is mr. super socs sheldon. Its not like he used to get in my way or do anything to make me insanley pissed or want him dead. until he crossed the fucking line and did that to jelly. thats NOT cool -_-. just lettin ya know man. your numero uno on my hitlist. not a good place to be. and watch yourself hun :). im like fuckin jackie chan :p. il get you when you least expect it. and it wont be just me lookin for you. these socs seem like thier gettin pretty active :3. idk bro thiers something about summer that just triggers some wierd thing in thier deranged brains that make them want to hurt us even more. idk man. i aint scarred of sheldon corey or who ever the fuck comes at me, everyone be careful though :/.



me and caleb..yea were done. and thiers no particular reason we split. its because i figured out something about myself. i dont like relationships, well not right now. i have to much on my plate. relationships, they make me uncomfortable and i felt like i had to watch wat i did because i was with someone.i aint sad. hes now just one of my best friends (:. bye bye boyfriend, hello best bud.

on a lighter note, KITKAT CURTIS IS BACK IN TOWN :D. now its time to really start the summer and party with my best friend. i missed you oh so much kit (:. and i am SO happy for you and tibs man! your ganna make a beautiful bride and wife.

another thing, tiff and andrew got married (:! so happy for you to. your wedding was off the heezee lmao xD.

all for now, dawn cade.

Say, why dont we have a party :3?

okay so i vote we should throw a crazy sweet ass party to kick off the summer and invite like the hole world to come, the shepards, are gang, brumleys, and like all the greasers in town. (even though summer already started but watever) idk whos house or were at yet. but if any one has any decent suggestions please inform me of them down thier, in my comments :).

all for now,
dawn

Greasers vs greasers?

I dont know what was wrong with me today. i felt sick, but i didnt see any bunnys around. and to yall that dont know, im highly alergic to bunnys, and those fluffy critters make me sneaze and puff up like a balloon D:. Ha. how i know this is this one time i tried getting a bunny for johnny for his birthday, and i bought it and all that jazz, and then all of a sudden i start sneezing and gagging and coffing. I brought it home to johnny and he asked me why i was all puffy and red. Then i went to the doctors and such. and he says im real allergic to them things. Disapointing, since i enjoy bunnys :3. ah well. any way. i felt like i was having bad allergies. At first all i was trying to do was get to the nightly double, but i remembered that the curtis' always keep some allergy medicine for me in thier bathroom cabinet. so i started walkin thier. I got thier and just walked in like usual. "hey girl. oh no. did u poke a bunny again?!" kit said sounding worried. "no. I learned my lesson the first time!" i sed between sneezes. this one time. actually. it was last week xD. me and kit were outside and i thought it would b cool to go poke a bunny, knowing i was allergic, but it was really tempting i swear. So i poked it and it made me hav this vicious allergy attack D:. "huuuh..sit down. il go get the damn medicine." she said sounding annoyed that she had to get up."thank -sneeze- you." "damn. thiers none left, u had to take like the whole bottle last week, guess we gotta go to the store, come on kid." kit sed while she began walkin out the door. We got to the store and i took the medicine while we were in thier. I was okay after that. so kit decided to tag along and go to the nightly double with me. "hey. hey kit. its our second date ;)." i said kidding around.  she pushed me away and we laughed. then all of a sudden, I see this girl i knew named jordan bays.shes a real tough greaser chick, with a pretty big ego. She was pretty. real long red hair, and these intense brown eyes that could scare the pants off u, or be the prettiest things uve ever seen. Any way, her and caleb used to go together. and she was staring at me like she had a problem. I just stared at her back and tapped kittys leg to show her. kitty looked at her, then me, looking confused. why is she staring? kitty mouthed to me. i shrugged. even though i was pretty sure i knew why. She started walking over. jeeze why does everyone pick fights with me? lol. it never ends well. for them atleast :). "hey. heard u was messin with caleb." she said with her three friends behind her. and this is a perfect example of wen her eyes can scare the hell outa you. i stepped closer to her. " I guess you could say that." i just stared at her. right through her dark eyes, showing her i wasnt scared of her. "yea? well i dont like it. so i suggest u back the fuck off before i do somethin bout it." she said giving me a nasty look and waving her hand in my face. "ha. and i suggest that u get ur hand the hell out of my face before i brake ur fingers." she turned her head and kind of laughed. Then she hit me. right in the face. Really hard to. my cheak was throbbing. but that wasnt gna stop me from beating the tar outa her. Kitty of course, was already screaming in her face. As kitty went on rambling about how she was going to pull out her insides. i randomly got up and hit her as hard as i could in the nose. she fell on the floor. her friends just stood thier like a bunch of wooses XD.  her nose was bleading hard core."ha u gotta little somethin underneath ur nose kid. id clean that up if i were u :p." i said smilling, trying to pretend my cheak wasnt killing me. me and kit just walked away like nothing happend. "so wat movie do u wana see for our second date ;)." kitty said winking at me. "wait...thiers a bunny over thier..." i said staring at it in amusment. "dont u dare dawn." she said rasing an eye brow.  to late. i was already over thier touching its fluffy tail. :D. It was so tempting, it like drew me in D:. i started sneezing and dieng and kitty just walked away laughing :).  i love wabbits XD.

drunken, lost, hot mess.

So much shit has happend since my last post. and it aint nothin good. Dawns been down in the dumps latley :/...ive been completly upset and dejected. Who wouldnt be? My best friends are leaving. Its killing me really. i feel like half of me has misteriously disapeared. Katie and soda lost thier kid. Brook and pony got jumped. i feel lost. like someone picked me up and dropped me in the middle of alaska or some shit. i dont know this place called "home" anymore. ive been drinking. like ur average alchoholic. brook and kit told me to stop. but i cant. It distracts me from feeling "lost" if that makes sense. So i did something that i thought might help. I went to Calebs house. idk y. and i didnt know what i wanted with him. I just needed to talk to someone, i could have talked to kitty or brook or bre. but maybe i didnt want to just talk to him, if u get what i mean..I walked to his house slowly, kicking curbs, drinking wisky as i walked. I sat on the curb drinking as much as my body would let me consume. i felt like i was in a dream sort of, That the twisted feeling in my stomach that i had for a week was only temporary, and wasnt real. As i walked the few lonley blocks i made it to his house,drunk, and in tears. but i made it thier. I dried my eyes because i didnt want him to see me like this. He was outside by his car.talking to a friend. i walked up to him slowly. "..dawn?" he said half conserned and half confused. i just stared at him. with no expression. he tried to take the bottle of whisky from me. i just pulled it back "Dawn. give me the bottle now." "no! i cant. i need it." "dawn! give me the god damn bottle!" he said pulling the bottle away from me. I looked him in the eyes after he took the bottle. i tried to keep my expresionless face. but i couldnt. i broke. and i started crying. it was either because i was real upset, or because he took my whisky. probably a little bit of both. i felt so dumb. me. dawn cade. tough as anything. crying. infront of an extremly hot guy that i liked. He pulled me in. and hugged me. I hated sympathy. it made me feel like a wussy. But no matter how much i hated it, i needed it. he brought me inside. i sat in the living room. "you want a drink or somethin?" he said walking in the kitchen. "yeah, my whisky." i said kinda bitchy. "nah. i was thinkin somethin more around the lines of lemonade or water." he said from the kitchen. i changed the subject. "wheres ur brothers."  he didnt answer my question and brought me in water, and a cup of somethin else. "drink this first. then drink the water." I put the darker drink up to my nose and smelt it. "what is this?" i said. "vinegar. damn, u act like im tryin ta poison u or somethin." he said kinda laughing. i should have known. vinegar cleans the alchohol out of all ur systems and all that jazz. i drank the vinegar, and then the water. "so whats goin on kid. why are u so upset?" he said. i told him the hole thing. About everyone leaving, about katie and the baby, everything. I hate sharing feelings. but i told him. and he gave me advice and helped me. Calebs a good kid once u get past the bad ass exterior. After we stopped talking we watched a movie bout a puppy who gets lost and needs to find his way back home with his trusty kitty cat side kick. it was intense. I fell asleep laying on caleb. I like him. he could b my alchohol for now.

doughnuts with a side of socs XD.

Aright. well im going to tell you what happend last night. Me, car, breanna, and dallas went to go see a movie like always, (because wat the hell are we supposed to do, its flippin deserted oklahoma for god sakes XD), any way. It was actually pretty intense, it was one of those movies that are scary but action packed at the same time. All the little girly girls watchin it were gettin all close to thier  boyfriends and screaming at the scary parts, and that was pissin me off. Its like, shut the fuck up. u knew this shit was gna make u wana piss urself. If ur just gna sit here and scream like ur being raped the hole time, then i cant enjoy my movie. "aright guys, we should go. SINCE SOME PEOPLE DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO WATCH A FAKE SCARY MOVIE, AND ARE RUINING IT FOR ME!!" i sed it as loud as i could, as loud as they were screaming during the movie :). "welp. that was lame." i said throwing my soda into the garbage. "yeah screw this, lets go home." Breanna said, i could tell she was as pissed as i was. "yall wana take the long way home, thiers a donut place on the way :D." carson said, sounding a little to happy bout those doughnuts XD. "pssh. yeah sure, why not." i said. i didnt care by then, i was starving. we went to the doughnut place and got doughnuts. we got a hole box of sprinkly doughnuts, choclate doughnuts,vanilla doughnuts, and these wierd ones the guy who worked thier suggested. He says they had "a suprize inside", i was like wtf XD. lets get um. Me made dal hold the doughnut box. after the whole box was empty we relized how big of a mistake that was. wat a fat ass XD. "so dubs, wat was the surprize inside -_-?" i said giving his chubby ass the death stare. "idk. tasted like raspberries or some shit." he said handing me the empty box. We all couldnt help but laugh, hes just so obiese XD. But of course, our night couldnt end on a good note, because all of a sudden, we see some socs walkin down the dark street. yippy. I wasnt in the mood for fighting. and thats the worst time to pick fights with me. "wana turn around?" bri asked looking at me. "naah, they aint gana make me change directions." i said stubbornly. we got close enough to see how many thier were. thier was 4 guys, thier was one scrawny one with dark hair, he looked nerdy XD, and the others, were big and tall, u could even see thier muscles threw thier sweater vests :3. they had this look on thier preppy little faces, u could tell they werent gna just simply walk by like they should have. "well well well. wat do we have here boys?" the biggest boy said with an evil smile, rubbing his hands together. they all started giggling. "a couple of greasers ey?" the more he talked. the madder i got. socs could get to me without even talkin smack. they started cursin at us. we were just gana ignore them, be the bigger person ya kno. i didnt wana fight that night, and im pretty sure car bri and dal didnt want to either, it was late. we all just wanted to get home and go to sleep. "trash." he said and then he spit at us. I felt it coming. that feeling i get wen im mad. Like i wana throw up and i got all heated and tense. wen he spit i started yelling and cursing and went to go punch him in the fucking face, but bri and dal held me back. I was so mad at them. We aint trash. "aww. now the little short one is gana try to hit us bentley?, wat ever shall we do?" the little one said sarcasticly. no one. no one fucking calls me short. Just as i was gna push dal and bri away and just deck him, car was already ahead of me. she snuck behind the stupid little one and put him in a choke hold. he was gagging and coughing like he was choking on his food :). "now that we got this situation under control, say ur sorry." carson said smiling and slightly strugling to keep the pueny one under control as he squirmed. "say ur sorry!" "no!!" say it! or i aint lettin go!" Sorry!" his words came out in little gasps. and he fell on the ground. "omg!" the one boy said. "just because u could do that to jake, doesnt mean u can do it to all of us." the biggest one said. dubs just walked up to him and decked him in the face. he was down in a second, and dallas had no expression. thier was still two left. me and bri were gettin a little bored, watchin all the action. so. the medium sized one was lookin around gettin a little nervous as i slowly walked up to him with the same evil smile that they had on thier stupid faces before. his eyes started getting wider as i got closer. He said, "wait wat are u gana-!" I punched him in his ugly face real hard, almost knocked his ass down. But. just for my pleasure. I kicked him were the sun dont shine to finish him off XD. he fell to his knees without speaking and looked about only half my height on his knees :3. "whos the short one now dumb fuck?!" i said yellin at him. Bri took care of the other guy he was lyin' on the ground with bri kicking him in his side XD. i think they knew who was boss now :3. "well, so much for goin home, huh?" i said out of breath, but laughing. everyone was out of breath after beatin them. but we all started laughing. I stopped laughing and caught my breath, "so, whose up for some doughnuts?"