I paced apprehensively in my room, and I had bitten my nails down to the nub.
I felt like I had been waiting hours for kit to get to my place. Finally i heard a knock on my door. I went to the door quickly and unlocked it. "God damn kitty, took you long enough!" i said "hey relax. i got here when u asked me to dummy. Its 3 o clock?" she said pointing to the clock on the wall. i hadnt even looked at the clock..but it felt like forever. "oh..right. sorry." i said calming down. "listen Dawn. you dont have to say much. we'll go in, then go out. simple as that. got it? now get your panties out of a bunch and lets go." kit said. Her pep talks are usually fool proof on me. but not this time. My stomach was in a knot and my feet felt like they were nailed to the floor. We finally left and i smoked 4 ciggerettes until we finally reached the sign. "here we are. cherry lane. such a happy name, for such a shitty place." i said shaking my head as we stared at the street sign. kit patted my back and kept walking. I stared at it for a moment, lit a ciggerette and moved forward. The sun was just starting to go down, the sky was filled with pinks and oranges. As we got closer, i clenched my hands in fists and tried to slow down the beating in my chest. Me and kit barely talked. there was nothing to say.
I looked up and saw the place i spent my child hood. i shook my head in discust. the place made me sick just by the sight. All i could think was, this is where i lost my innocence, this is where i wasted my youth..
I closed my eyes for a moment. "you got this." kit said encouragingly, and with that, we procieded towards Katherine and Michael Cade's house. We got on the porch and i literally felt like i needed to go throw up in a bush (preferably thier bush, for my own amusment) but all jokes aside, my stomach was turning. I felt like it took me 5 years to lift up my hand and ring the door bell. After a few moments, i heard shuffling in the house, and someone unlocked the door. I sighed. The door opend and i Saw Katherine. she had a confused but happy look on her face. "Dawn. this is a pleasent suprise." She said. I didnt look at her. i looked every where but at her. "i need the necklace." i said plainly. I had gotten a necklass from my grandmother when she was on her death bed, and she meant the world to me, it was a gold locket, and i had left it here when we left. "oh right of course." she said. "why dont you both come on in? We made cookies" she said smiling and nodding. I knew the whole thing was a fasad. She was only acting nice to get me back in the house so she could push me around some more. "no thanks." i said. still not looking at her. "well dear i dont know where you left your necklass, youll have to come in and look for it anyway. it might be in ur room." I walked in without saying anything, and me and kit went upstairs. It felt so odd walking through those same halls. I saw on the wall where me johnny and brook got messured when we were younger. So many memmories this place held in its walls. I passed johnnys old room and saw it had a race car bed and toys. my heart sank, do i have another sibling? i thought. "kit. look." i said quietly, pointing into the room. she raised her eye brows. neither of us said anything. we continued to my room. "this is ganna take forever dawn. how are u ganna remember where u put a necklass from years ago?" Kit said putting her hands on her hips. "its in there." i said pointing to my old diary. I opend it with the key, and there it was. I smiled and took the dusty diary and my necklace from the room. Kit left the room and started down stairs. I looked around for a minute. You could still see the sunset peaking from over the trees out of my window. I turned off the light in my room, and went down stairs. "what are you two doin here" my drunken father said with a nasty look on his face. He aged so much through those couple years. I tried to ignore him, the door was right there and then i would never have to see this place again. his arm stopped me and kit from walking out the door. "i knew youd come back. You need us." he sneered. I didnt look at him either. but behind Michael i saw a scared little boy. with bright blue eyes and black hair. He looked like me. He stood behind his father, and he had a bruise on his cheak. he couldnt have been more then 2 or 3. "hey! do you hear me!" michael said, taking me out of my thoughts. He shook me real fast. I remember promising to myself i would never let that man hit or hurt me ever again. "you dont fucking touch me." i said looking at him dead in the eye. "you hear me? ur a piece of shit. And i feel sorry for that little boy standing behind you, who has to grow up in this sorry excuse for a home." I said with anger. He was stunned. "i am not afraid of you anymore. and i sure as hell dont need you." Right before we left, i stared into the little boys scared eyes sympathetically. My father probably would have back handed me in the face, but he was to shocked to make a move. I grew up alot over the years. Me and kit walked out the door. I smiled, and we walked home.
"why should i play by the rules? i didnt know i was playing any sort of game."
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Janies got a gun
the feeling of being confused really drives me insane.
i knew two things. i did like randy. and the second thing i knew was that relationship probably could never work out..unfortunatly. After i realized this, i didnt know what to do with myself. should i talk to him? should we just be friends? or should i just ignore him? thoughts whirled around my head like a washing machine. "whisky..wheres the whisky.." i mumbled to myself as i looked under my bed and in my drawers. "looking for this?" i heard someone say from behind me. "ah-ha! u found it. thanks johns" i said reaching for the bottle, then johnny moved it quickly behind him dodging me. "uhmm." i said kind of laughing "whats up johnny? why do i get the feeling ur not ganna give me my whisky.." "oh. probably because im not." he said smiling, still hiding the bottle behind his back. "uhm. john. i dont want to do this. but if this is how its ganna be, i will seriously maul u to the ground." i said with a straight face. "Dawn listen kiddo. uve been drinking alot latley. u dont need this trust me." He said sincerely. i shot him a cold glair. "yeaaa..im ganna go find a muffin..errr somthing" he said akwardly, then dashed down the hall way with the bottle. Great, i thought. now i have nothing to help me think. "dawn?" i turned around. i took a breath to keep myself from letting my frustration out. "yes brook." "Dim and jelly are back today. everyones meeting up there tonight. plus im sure they'll have drinks there" she winked. drinks? i thought happily. "what are we waiting for?" i said smiling.
we walked on the train tracks on our way to dims. "ever wonder where these trains go?" brook said as she ballanced on the tracks. "nope." i said plainly as i lit a ciggerete. "what if one goes to california? or florida? uw or canada!" she said as her mind wandered. as she rambled on, i saw some people in the distance. I squinted hard to try and make out there faces. My heart sank when i finally did. I saw Randy and his little socs friends walking down the street, towards me and brook. i cut off brook while she was still talking "dude. look what the cat dragged in" she looked in the distance and her eyes widend. "oh god.. what do we do?" she said. "nothin'." i said walking in the same path. "lets just man up." "ugh. dawn. i dont want to "man up". im a girl!" she said whining. "brooks. just act natural." i said. Just as they were about to pass us, they stopped infront of us. i didnt even look at Randy. Just at there little group leader. "Move." The girl said coldy, pushing her brown hair off her sholder. Brook stood behind me keeping her mouth shut. "Listen. Lets not make this into a fight over a petty argument, because ur face will probably be broken if thats the case." I said giving her a cold stare. "no. you listen greaser. Ur in our way." Randy said coldy. my jaw almost fell to the floor. I hoped to hell he was just saying that because his friends were there. I shook my head slowly. i walked close to him and put my finger in his face. "You. discust me." i said quietly threw clenched teeth. He looked at me, but he didnt look like he gave a fuck. "come on brook." i said, not taking my eyes off his, still in his face. I pushed against his sholder with mine as i walked away. Me and brook didnt exchange a word for the remainder of the walk.
"hunny im home." i said as i walked in dims house, seeing everyone in the living room. Me and brook exchanged our hugs and greetings to dim and jelly, telling them how much we missed them. And just to be a dork i gave Bre a hug and told her how much i missed her, even though i had just seen her the day before xD. "so guys. where's the alcohol?" i said to whoever was listening. "kitchen" jelly said pointing. i walked over to the kitchen, even though i wanted to haul ass, because well, i really needed a drink. "perfect, jager.." i said queitly to myself as i picked up the bottle and put some in a cup. I downed it fast. I didnt feel like thinking about Randy. hes not worth confusing my brain. "hey dawn." Dim said walking into the room with a stranger, a very attractive stranger might i add. but i did remeber him from a picture i saw of dim and him back in cali that was on dims dresser. he had grey blue eyes, that were just completley mezmorizing. it was the first thing i noticed about him. is everyone from california beautiful? lols. he made me feel weak and girly just by him standing in the doorway. i fuckin hate that feeling. but i couldnt help it. "I got to run out real quick, can you hang out with chase for a while till i get back?" Dim said. " yea yea. no problem" i said almost jumping at the offer. I hope it wasnt complatley obvious that he made me nervous. "what you drinkin there?" he asked. he had a sexy voice, i thought. "uhm..jaeger." i said nodding my head. "mmm." he said smirking, as he took the bottle from my hand and poured it in a cup "im sorry, i didnt formally introduce myself. Chase." he said sticking out his hand with a cute side smile. i liked that these cali boys were total gentlemen, i wasnt used to it. i smiled and shook it. "Dawn." i replied. " well miss Dawn, hows the scene down here in Tulsa?" he asked curiously. "welp. you got ur snooty rich kids, rodeos, we got an art museum..i guess thats pretty cool if ur into that kind of stuff, you got ur down town area where alot of people hang out. gang rivelries.and lame chinese food. but. it aint all that bad. we're all real close, so we make the best of everything. its probably not as exciting as cali though. God that place sounds bitchin'." i said smiling. he laughed a little "yea its not to bad. If your into 100 degree weather and earth quakes" he said smirking. "how long u plannin on staying anyway?" i said. hoping it was a little bit longer then a week vaca. he laughed a little. "what?" i said smirking. "ur accent. its soo.. genuine. i like it." he said. "you enjoy hick accents? i dont." i said blushing, but laughing. "well, i wouldnt call it a hick accent." he said laughing. Dim walked into the room and raised an eye brow. "uhm dawn. brook said you guys have to leave now, since u have school tomorrow." dim said. "oh... well ill be seeing yall" i said and left the room. i was disapointed. i wanted to keep talking to him. i didnt know if id see him again. he was different. i liked it.
i knew two things. i did like randy. and the second thing i knew was that relationship probably could never work out..unfortunatly. After i realized this, i didnt know what to do with myself. should i talk to him? should we just be friends? or should i just ignore him? thoughts whirled around my head like a washing machine. "whisky..wheres the whisky.." i mumbled to myself as i looked under my bed and in my drawers. "looking for this?" i heard someone say from behind me. "ah-ha! u found it. thanks johns" i said reaching for the bottle, then johnny moved it quickly behind him dodging me. "uhmm." i said kind of laughing "whats up johnny? why do i get the feeling ur not ganna give me my whisky.." "oh. probably because im not." he said smiling, still hiding the bottle behind his back. "uhm. john. i dont want to do this. but if this is how its ganna be, i will seriously maul u to the ground." i said with a straight face. "Dawn listen kiddo. uve been drinking alot latley. u dont need this trust me." He said sincerely. i shot him a cold glair. "yeaaa..im ganna go find a muffin..errr somthing" he said akwardly, then dashed down the hall way with the bottle. Great, i thought. now i have nothing to help me think. "dawn?" i turned around. i took a breath to keep myself from letting my frustration out. "yes brook." "Dim and jelly are back today. everyones meeting up there tonight. plus im sure they'll have drinks there" she winked. drinks? i thought happily. "what are we waiting for?" i said smiling.
we walked on the train tracks on our way to dims. "ever wonder where these trains go?" brook said as she ballanced on the tracks. "nope." i said plainly as i lit a ciggerete. "what if one goes to california? or florida? uw or canada!" she said as her mind wandered. as she rambled on, i saw some people in the distance. I squinted hard to try and make out there faces. My heart sank when i finally did. I saw Randy and his little socs friends walking down the street, towards me and brook. i cut off brook while she was still talking "dude. look what the cat dragged in" she looked in the distance and her eyes widend. "oh god.. what do we do?" she said. "nothin'." i said walking in the same path. "lets just man up." "ugh. dawn. i dont want to "man up". im a girl!" she said whining. "brooks. just act natural." i said. Just as they were about to pass us, they stopped infront of us. i didnt even look at Randy. Just at there little group leader. "Move." The girl said coldy, pushing her brown hair off her sholder. Brook stood behind me keeping her mouth shut. "Listen. Lets not make this into a fight over a petty argument, because ur face will probably be broken if thats the case." I said giving her a cold stare. "no. you listen greaser. Ur in our way." Randy said coldy. my jaw almost fell to the floor. I hoped to hell he was just saying that because his friends were there. I shook my head slowly. i walked close to him and put my finger in his face. "You. discust me." i said quietly threw clenched teeth. He looked at me, but he didnt look like he gave a fuck. "come on brook." i said, not taking my eyes off his, still in his face. I pushed against his sholder with mine as i walked away. Me and brook didnt exchange a word for the remainder of the walk.
"hunny im home." i said as i walked in dims house, seeing everyone in the living room. Me and brook exchanged our hugs and greetings to dim and jelly, telling them how much we missed them. And just to be a dork i gave Bre a hug and told her how much i missed her, even though i had just seen her the day before xD. "so guys. where's the alcohol?" i said to whoever was listening. "kitchen" jelly said pointing. i walked over to the kitchen, even though i wanted to haul ass, because well, i really needed a drink. "perfect, jager.." i said queitly to myself as i picked up the bottle and put some in a cup. I downed it fast. I didnt feel like thinking about Randy. hes not worth confusing my brain. "hey dawn." Dim said walking into the room with a stranger, a very attractive stranger might i add. but i did remeber him from a picture i saw of dim and him back in cali that was on dims dresser. he had grey blue eyes, that were just completley mezmorizing. it was the first thing i noticed about him. is everyone from california beautiful? lols. he made me feel weak and girly just by him standing in the doorway. i fuckin hate that feeling. but i couldnt help it. "I got to run out real quick, can you hang out with chase for a while till i get back?" Dim said. " yea yea. no problem" i said almost jumping at the offer. I hope it wasnt complatley obvious that he made me nervous. "what you drinkin there?" he asked. he had a sexy voice, i thought. "uhm..jaeger." i said nodding my head. "mmm." he said smirking, as he took the bottle from my hand and poured it in a cup "im sorry, i didnt formally introduce myself. Chase." he said sticking out his hand with a cute side smile. i liked that these cali boys were total gentlemen, i wasnt used to it. i smiled and shook it. "Dawn." i replied. " well miss Dawn, hows the scene down here in Tulsa?" he asked curiously. "welp. you got ur snooty rich kids, rodeos, we got an art museum..i guess thats pretty cool if ur into that kind of stuff, you got ur down town area where alot of people hang out. gang rivelries.and lame chinese food. but. it aint all that bad. we're all real close, so we make the best of everything. its probably not as exciting as cali though. God that place sounds bitchin'." i said smiling. he laughed a little "yea its not to bad. If your into 100 degree weather and earth quakes" he said smirking. "how long u plannin on staying anyway?" i said. hoping it was a little bit longer then a week vaca. he laughed a little. "what?" i said smirking. "ur accent. its soo.. genuine. i like it." he said. "you enjoy hick accents? i dont." i said blushing, but laughing. "well, i wouldnt call it a hick accent." he said laughing. Dim walked into the room and raised an eye brow. "uhm dawn. brook said you guys have to leave now, since u have school tomorrow." dim said. "oh... well ill be seeing yall" i said and left the room. i was disapointed. i wanted to keep talking to him. i didnt know if id see him again. he was different. i liked it.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
cross my heart and hope to die
Yet another drive with Randy. and it was quiter then the last time.
it felt like that silence u get after u and ur mom get in a big fight in the car about how uve been dressing like a whore, or how she thinks ur on drugs or somthing and she doesnt aprove, that kind of akward silence. You could feel the tension.We didnt speak. we didnt look at eachother. nothing. I couldnt talk to him. not after he helped out with yet another one of sheldons little schemes even after me and him "bonded", if u will. We were back to square one and again i wanted to wring his neck. But somewere inside of me. I could forgive him. because i knew that just because we were forced to be partners on a school project doesnt change that hes a socs. and im a greaser. This social class seperation is starting to give me whip lash.
"uhh that way." i said telling him the directions, figuring i had to loosin' up so we could just finish the damn project. We pulled infront of my place. "im not sure whos here. but im hoping u wore a cup just incase." i said jokingly as we walked up to the porch. he laughed slightly nervously. "im being serious man." i said shrugging as i opend the door before he could respond. "home!" i yelled to who ever was there. I heard talking and laughing in the living room. i walked in to find about half the gang hanging out. Everyone stopped talking and looked at us. "project." i said a little fast and nervous before anyone could say anything. Dallas stood up slowly, kind of like he was ganna act on his feelings. but i grabbed randy by the arm and brought him upstairs faster than you could say pumpernickle.
"you know your ganna have to hang out with us later..right?" i said as i locked my door from my friends. never thought id see the day were i hide a head socs in my room from them. "i know. that cup is sounding pretty good right now" he said smirking. "wow..so ur room..its dark." he said looking around. "pretty much" i said admiring the black and red pattern that seemed to reoccur. okay this is me pressing the fast forward button through me and adderson's akward small talk and what not :3.
"next question. what do your parents do as an occupation?" he read off the sheet. "they get blasted. next." i said as i layed down playing with a piece of string.
"okay my Dad drinks alot as well but u have to put a-" i cut him off. "i dont have parents anymore. calling them parents is like calling pee wee herman ur average joe." i said getting a little frustrated. "well do you live with them?" he asked sounding kind of concerned. "nope. i didnt feel like getting smacked around anymore." i answered nonchalantly
"..we'll skip that one." he said, continuing the list of questions.
we were just about finished with our question sheet when someone began knocking on my door in a familiar rythm. "time to eat. you to adderson. hows everything goin in there?" it was johnny. suprinsingly acting worried. he doesnt worry about me much. he knows he doesnt have to. "uhmm..fine?" i said kind of laughing. "okay..well time to eat." he said as he walked down the hall "i could go now if you would like.." he said uncomfortably. it was funny seeing him outside of his comfort zone, he acted like a scared little orphan, i kind of enjoyed it in a way. "would u relax?" i said smiling. "now come on. it wont be that bad." as we got closer i remembered that tonightt was the night wen we had the gang over for dinner, but not all of them could make it considering it was the day before christmas eve and they had to visit family and stuff. but there was still alot of people. i just kept thinkin, this is ganna be a long night..
we stepped into the room and everyone shot randy dirty looks. "what are u doin here, prick?" Dally said stepping forward i stepped inbetween them, i knew dal wasnt going to try and crush him with his "words"."i thought we already established that me and Dawn here have a project to do, so for once in your life act like a civilized human being rather than a neanderthal." randy said proudly with his arms crossed over his chest. dallas stepped forward and i grabbed him by the shoulders trying to calm him down. "dallas take it easy okay.." i said quietly. he ignored me. " are u lookin to get ur face bashed in?" dallas said through gritted teath and angry eyes. " oh i think he is dall." jamie said smiling. "jamie dont add fuel to the fire -.-" i said shooting her a look. " oh please. you dont scare me greaser" randy said shaking his head, sizing dal up. Soon It was a comotion, with twobit and soda holding back dall as he cursed left and right, and Randy was doing the exact same back. i was yelling for Dallas to stop it while i stood in between them. there was so much yelling i dont even think either of them heard what eachother were saying, but they looked vicious like they were about to rip eachothers heads off. "QUITTEEE!!!!!" kit yelled as she banged a big pot with a spoon. " i want to kill him as much as the next guy but can we PUHLEASE eat dinner already?" Dal didnt look like he was ready to cooperate. he continued giving randy a look of disgust. but atleast everything had calmed down and the yelling stopped. "come on dal.." soda said. after a few seconds of intense staring dallas turned and walked away to the table. i exhaled, and turned to face randy "you dont have to eat here if u dont want.." i said quietly "yea. really. u dont have to stick around." brook said with a dirty look. "oh shut it brooklyn why dont you mind your own buissness." randy said with an equally nasty look. "Dawn control ur spoiled rich kid please." brook said with her arms crossed. "come on.." i said. bringing randy to my room. i was mad. i was mad at everyone. i was mad at dallas. randy. everyone. they didnt even have to aknoledge eachother. it was unessasary to fight like that, and its causing me to get a shit grade on my project because they couldnt control themselves. we got up to my room. "what are you doing?" randy said as i looked in my top drawer. i pulled out my lighter and a pack of newports. "want one?" i said already having the ciggerette in my mouth, about to light it. he hesitated, then took a ciggerete. "why not." he said smirking. "sorry about that." i said, throwing him the lighter. "my friends are just mad about wats been goin on with bob and shit. cant say im to happy about it either." "dont apologize. it wasnt your fault..sometimes i just want to end it. what does money have to do with anything? sometimes i want us to all just be equal..but its not that simple.." he said then taking a long drag from the ciggerette. "you dont have to be like the rest of them ya know" i said. "i kinda do. its how i was raised, how i was taught. its not fair" he said looking really consentrated. there was silence for a moment. just the sound of us inhaling and blowing out the cigarette smoke. "you know. your not to bad adderson." i said. "but you know were ganna have to go back to hating eachother tomorrow after this is over...and i have to be honest i kind of enjoyed hanging out with you" "..yea me to" we kind of just looked in eachothers eyes for a moment. he was such a good looking kid. to bad he had to be friends with those jerks, i thought. he started moving closer to me. and i started getting confused. he put his hands slowly around my waist grabbing my hips with his cold hands, he moved my hair from my shoulder, pulled me closer and started kissing my neck. "uhmmm...wat are u doing?" i said putting my hands on his, moving them away from my hips. "relax.." he said moving his hands back were they were and slowly moving his lips to mine. he tasted like mint and ciggeretes, my favorite. my eyes started closing slowly.. It took me a few seconds of really good kissing to come back to reality. "woah woah woah. this cannot happen" i said pulling myself back away from randy."whats the problem?" he said looking at me confused. "whats the problem?..whats the problem?! the problem is that idk u have a gf? ur a socs? idk randy u do the math." i yelled as i crossed my arms and gave him that pissed off/upset look. i heard a knock on the door. "uhh is everything okay in there?" james said through the door. she must have heard the yelling. "uhh yea. yea..ill be out in a minute james." i said probably sounding unsure. "if you say so.." jamie said as i head her walk down the hall. i knew she didnt believe me. shes to smart. "i think its best if you go.." i said looking at him. he just looked at me confused for a moment with hard eyes "...alright..."he walked out of my room and i shut the door. i went back into my top drawer and got out my whisky and took a few sips to clear my head, and get the taste of him out of my mouth. why would he want to kiss me, a greaser from the gang that he fights with the most out of all greaser gangs? i kept trying to figure it out but i couldnt. i didnt get it. just two weeks ago we hated eachother. i wasnt mad. because it would be a lie to say i didnt want to kiss him to. i was just confused.
it felt like that silence u get after u and ur mom get in a big fight in the car about how uve been dressing like a whore, or how she thinks ur on drugs or somthing and she doesnt aprove, that kind of akward silence. You could feel the tension.We didnt speak. we didnt look at eachother. nothing. I couldnt talk to him. not after he helped out with yet another one of sheldons little schemes even after me and him "bonded", if u will. We were back to square one and again i wanted to wring his neck. But somewere inside of me. I could forgive him. because i knew that just because we were forced to be partners on a school project doesnt change that hes a socs. and im a greaser. This social class seperation is starting to give me whip lash.
"uhh that way." i said telling him the directions, figuring i had to loosin' up so we could just finish the damn project. We pulled infront of my place. "im not sure whos here. but im hoping u wore a cup just incase." i said jokingly as we walked up to the porch. he laughed slightly nervously. "im being serious man." i said shrugging as i opend the door before he could respond. "home!" i yelled to who ever was there. I heard talking and laughing in the living room. i walked in to find about half the gang hanging out. Everyone stopped talking and looked at us. "project." i said a little fast and nervous before anyone could say anything. Dallas stood up slowly, kind of like he was ganna act on his feelings. but i grabbed randy by the arm and brought him upstairs faster than you could say pumpernickle.
"you know your ganna have to hang out with us later..right?" i said as i locked my door from my friends. never thought id see the day were i hide a head socs in my room from them. "i know. that cup is sounding pretty good right now" he said smirking. "wow..so ur room..its dark." he said looking around. "pretty much" i said admiring the black and red pattern that seemed to reoccur. okay this is me pressing the fast forward button through me and adderson's akward small talk and what not :3.
"next question. what do your parents do as an occupation?" he read off the sheet. "they get blasted. next." i said as i layed down playing with a piece of string.
"okay my Dad drinks alot as well but u have to put a-" i cut him off. "i dont have parents anymore. calling them parents is like calling pee wee herman ur average joe." i said getting a little frustrated. "well do you live with them?" he asked sounding kind of concerned. "nope. i didnt feel like getting smacked around anymore." i answered nonchalantly
"..we'll skip that one." he said, continuing the list of questions.
we were just about finished with our question sheet when someone began knocking on my door in a familiar rythm. "time to eat. you to adderson. hows everything goin in there?" it was johnny. suprinsingly acting worried. he doesnt worry about me much. he knows he doesnt have to. "uhmm..fine?" i said kind of laughing. "okay..well time to eat." he said as he walked down the hall "i could go now if you would like.." he said uncomfortably. it was funny seeing him outside of his comfort zone, he acted like a scared little orphan, i kind of enjoyed it in a way. "would u relax?" i said smiling. "now come on. it wont be that bad." as we got closer i remembered that tonightt was the night wen we had the gang over for dinner, but not all of them could make it considering it was the day before christmas eve and they had to visit family and stuff. but there was still alot of people. i just kept thinkin, this is ganna be a long night..
we stepped into the room and everyone shot randy dirty looks. "what are u doin here, prick?" Dally said stepping forward i stepped inbetween them, i knew dal wasnt going to try and crush him with his "words"."i thought we already established that me and Dawn here have a project to do, so for once in your life act like a civilized human being rather than a neanderthal." randy said proudly with his arms crossed over his chest. dallas stepped forward and i grabbed him by the shoulders trying to calm him down. "dallas take it easy okay.." i said quietly. he ignored me. " are u lookin to get ur face bashed in?" dallas said through gritted teath and angry eyes. " oh i think he is dall." jamie said smiling. "jamie dont add fuel to the fire -.-" i said shooting her a look. " oh please. you dont scare me greaser" randy said shaking his head, sizing dal up. Soon It was a comotion, with twobit and soda holding back dall as he cursed left and right, and Randy was doing the exact same back. i was yelling for Dallas to stop it while i stood in between them. there was so much yelling i dont even think either of them heard what eachother were saying, but they looked vicious like they were about to rip eachothers heads off. "QUITTEEE!!!!!" kit yelled as she banged a big pot with a spoon. " i want to kill him as much as the next guy but can we PUHLEASE eat dinner already?" Dal didnt look like he was ready to cooperate. he continued giving randy a look of disgust. but atleast everything had calmed down and the yelling stopped. "come on dal.." soda said. after a few seconds of intense staring dallas turned and walked away to the table. i exhaled, and turned to face randy "you dont have to eat here if u dont want.." i said quietly "yea. really. u dont have to stick around." brook said with a dirty look. "oh shut it brooklyn why dont you mind your own buissness." randy said with an equally nasty look. "Dawn control ur spoiled rich kid please." brook said with her arms crossed. "come on.." i said. bringing randy to my room. i was mad. i was mad at everyone. i was mad at dallas. randy. everyone. they didnt even have to aknoledge eachother. it was unessasary to fight like that, and its causing me to get a shit grade on my project because they couldnt control themselves. we got up to my room. "what are you doing?" randy said as i looked in my top drawer. i pulled out my lighter and a pack of newports. "want one?" i said already having the ciggerette in my mouth, about to light it. he hesitated, then took a ciggerete. "why not." he said smirking. "sorry about that." i said, throwing him the lighter. "my friends are just mad about wats been goin on with bob and shit. cant say im to happy about it either." "dont apologize. it wasnt your fault..sometimes i just want to end it. what does money have to do with anything? sometimes i want us to all just be equal..but its not that simple.." he said then taking a long drag from the ciggerette. "you dont have to be like the rest of them ya know" i said. "i kinda do. its how i was raised, how i was taught. its not fair" he said looking really consentrated. there was silence for a moment. just the sound of us inhaling and blowing out the cigarette smoke. "you know. your not to bad adderson." i said. "but you know were ganna have to go back to hating eachother tomorrow after this is over...and i have to be honest i kind of enjoyed hanging out with you" "..yea me to" we kind of just looked in eachothers eyes for a moment. he was such a good looking kid. to bad he had to be friends with those jerks, i thought. he started moving closer to me. and i started getting confused. he put his hands slowly around my waist grabbing my hips with his cold hands, he moved my hair from my shoulder, pulled me closer and started kissing my neck. "uhmmm...wat are u doing?" i said putting my hands on his, moving them away from my hips. "relax.." he said moving his hands back were they were and slowly moving his lips to mine. he tasted like mint and ciggeretes, my favorite. my eyes started closing slowly.. It took me a few seconds of really good kissing to come back to reality. "woah woah woah. this cannot happen" i said pulling myself back away from randy."whats the problem?" he said looking at me confused. "whats the problem?..whats the problem?! the problem is that idk u have a gf? ur a socs? idk randy u do the math." i yelled as i crossed my arms and gave him that pissed off/upset look. i heard a knock on the door. "uhh is everything okay in there?" james said through the door. she must have heard the yelling. "uhh yea. yea..ill be out in a minute james." i said probably sounding unsure. "if you say so.." jamie said as i head her walk down the hall. i knew she didnt believe me. shes to smart. "i think its best if you go.." i said looking at him. he just looked at me confused for a moment with hard eyes "...alright..."he walked out of my room and i shut the door. i went back into my top drawer and got out my whisky and took a few sips to clear my head, and get the taste of him out of my mouth. why would he want to kiss me, a greaser from the gang that he fights with the most out of all greaser gangs? i kept trying to figure it out but i couldnt. i didnt get it. just two weeks ago we hated eachother. i wasnt mad. because it would be a lie to say i didnt want to kiss him to. i was just confused.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Glitter in the air part 3 (just bite your lip.)
(if you haven't, or if u forgot wat it was about cuz its been so long, read my last post so u know wtf this post is about.) Randy. ------------------>and below him is Meghan
the drive to addersons was sufficiently akward.
it was quite most of the way. i kept my guard up and my hand in a fist just in case he tried anything.
"would you relax greaser? I'm not ganna touch you." he said looking straight ahead at the road. my hand was still tightly in a fist. there was a pause. "oh yea? and since when do i trust a socs?! especially one that helped hurt my friends?!.. u disgust me." i yelled. i felt my ears getting hot and my throat starting to burn. i chocked down tears. "quite a temper you got on you Cade. tell me something, how is it that little Brooklyn is so sweet, and johnny is so sensitive. and your a hot headed bitch? i didn't touch ur friends. Bob only said to me that we were ganna go jump some greasers. ...i didn't know how far he'd take it.." he said " oh boo hoo. you cant fucking say no?! u couldn't tell him u didn't want to do it?! have ur own fucking mind socs.." i said as i crossed my arms in disgust. "you don't get it greaser..Bobs been my best friend since we were in diapers..i couldn't tell him no." he said looking straight, and maybe with a slight bit of pain and frustration written on his face. I just looked at him for a few seconds. then turned my head to face the window for the rest of the ride to the south side..
We were in the south side. and it looked like Mr Rodgers threw up all over the place.
it was the perfect neighborhood. the perfect huge houses. the perfect people walking their perfect dogs. the perfect mustangs. it was so...plastic. He caught me looking through the car window in awe. "not like ur usual hood is it greaser?" he said, but not in a snobby way. i ignored his comment and continued to look. "well. this is my house" he said uninterested. it was huge. it was a light tan color, it had big doors with a huge window above them ,showing an enormous crystal chandelier. "is uhm..is anyone home?" i said feeling uncomfortable as i got out of the car. "uh yea. my Dad and Meghan." he said. i hated his sister. she was one of cherries friends. i sighed loudly. "okay. lets get this over with.." we walked in his house. it looked even bigger from the inside. it wasn't to colorful. marble white floor. white walls. "Randy. home so early?" i heard his dad yell from the other room. "uhh yea." i could tell he felt uncomfortable introducing me to his dad. i wasn't exactly wearing a sweater vest and matching knee length skirt. he came over to us and looked me up and down and smiled slightly. "hello. I'm Stan." he said as he shook my hand. i hesitated then shook his hand. randy was already on the steps motioning me to follow him upstairs. "yea, so this is my room." he said like it WASN'T the most beautiful room ever. it looked like a room for a prince. "ur kidding right?.. i feel like Cinderella." i said smiling and looking around the room. he smirked and laughed a bit. i saw a picture on his dresser and picked it up. "who's this?" i asked. "mom." he said with not much emotion. "wow. total milf." i said joking around nodding my head. "he cracked a smile, but it quickly faded. "no but shes real pretty." i said still looking at the picture. "yea she was." he said also looking at it. "was?" i said. "yea she uhh..she died when i was 13." he said looking at the floor. and that was one of the first times I've ever seen pain in a socs eyes. emotional pain. "sorry.." i said quietly. he sighed. "things happen." he said walking away to avoid continuing the subject. "so lets get started on this project shall we?" he said getting out his stuff. we sat on his floor and did our work..
after about an hour i started getting bored and side tracked (well of course, its me xD.) he was asking me questions about my life as i tried to balance my pencil on my nose. "ugh. can we go do something else? we've been asking each other questions for like. 6 hours." i said in a whiny voice. "its only been an hour..but okay okay. I'm supposed to show you what its like to be me to i guess." He said and got up to put his stuff away. "wait were are you going?" i said "were going out." he said as if i had no say in the matter. "oh no no no no. no offense adderson. but ur friends aren't exactly my cup of tea." i said kind of laughing at the thought of actually spending a day with a bunch of socs. "well don't worry. Bob isn't attending this get together. I'll tell them to keep there hands to themselves." he said. "...and what makes you think i can trust you?" i said before he went to walk out his bedroom door. he turned around and looked at me. "can't you just trust me for today? I don't want to fail this project. were not going to jump you or anything, now come on. get ur notebook u got to write down what we do.." He said leaving the room before i could protest. i sighed and grabbed my notebook.
We got to this kids house and there i saw cherry, Marsha, Meghan (addersons' sister) and a few other boys outside. i became nauseated at the sight. They whispered and giggled. I walked up to them with Randy. "hey. quit ur giggling. I'm required to be here. And don't worry. I'm just here to observe. Trust me. i don't want to be here just as much as u don't want me here. They rolled their eyes and carried on with their conversation. one of Randys friends james brought out a bottle of whine and Vodka. The girls were so..idk. Fake? theyve been treated like royalty their whole lives they didnt even get a chance to mold thier personalities from mistakes or sadness.they were fake and concieted. i swear, their heads were so big that they were ganna snap off thier necks. I wrote things down. but their wasnt much to say.
The boys played football in the yard. i sat on the steps sort of near the girls. but not close enough to catch thier cooties. The boys were kind of like us..they fooled around and laughed. they acted sort of like brothers.
The sun started to go down so we all went to the movies. I DID NOT want to be seen in public with these people. i was freaking out on the inside. i kept thinking,
inhale. exhale. inhale exhale.
We got out of the car and walked in the drive in. And then i saw meghan Whisper in cherries ear. then look at me. Knowing me. i wasnt going to let that slide. "Yo. got something to share Meghan?" I said with my bout to slap a hoe look on my face. She came in my face. we all stopped walking. i knew shit was bout to go down. i just kept thinking, sorry randy..
"Go home greaser. I dont want my brother near any greasy sluts." She said waving her manicured finger in my face. I started at her with a slight grin. "sweetie. You must not know my reputation to well. because you would have known that was a terrible idea." i said shaking my head. "No no. i know ur reputation very well Greaser. But i figured maybe u were smart enough not to touch me when your with a bunch of socs." she said smiling. i grabbed her by the hair and punched her in the face with my other hand. not my best punch. but it was enough to fuck up her nose job. Ill take it :P. "whoops. guess im not smart enough." i said shrugging my shoulders. at this point Randy was holding back his sister from trying to hit me back. the others were suprised i hit her in thier territory. But I was even more suprised..because i decided to trust Randy that one night. I knew he wouldnt let them all jump me. atleast not today. James held back meghan as Randy grabbed me by the wrist like a child, and pulled me to his car. He was pissed xD. I laughed to myself a little. "ow." i said. thinking thatd make him let go or loosen his tight grip on my wrist. but no. we got in the car as i rubbed my wrist. We didnt talk so much as he drove me back to our side of town. "what the hell were u thinking?" he said with anger. "OH COME ONNN. she was asking for it, you heard her!" i said defending myself. "You could have gotten yourself jumped. your lucky i got you out of there greaser. any other time i would have let them have you. but a promise is a promise..ur lucky." he said lowering his voice to a normal level. "told you. i told u i couldnt hang out with them." i said sort of loudly. "You couldnt try?! you couldnt just brush it off when she said that!?" he yelled at me. "oh so its my fault?!" i said responding loudly. there was a pause. i saw him smirk and he let out a a slight laugh. "listen to us. we sound like an old married couple." he said looking at the road. "yea well. any other time we would have been at eachothers throats by now.." i said smirking. "yea.." he said still smirking. "uhmm drop me off right here." i said looking out the window. i got out of the car and shut the door. "ur coming here tomorrow." i said to him through the open car window. "alright. later greaser." he said with a little grin. "later adderson." i said smiling a little. I walked to my house and shut the door.
I went to Bed...maybe feeling a little excited for tomorrow.
it was the perfect neighborhood. the perfect huge houses. the perfect people walking their perfect dogs. the perfect mustangs. it was so...plastic. He caught me looking through the car window in awe. "not like ur usual hood is it greaser?" he said, but not in a snobby way. i ignored his comment and continued to look. "well. this is my house" he said uninterested. it was huge. it was a light tan color, it had big doors with a huge window above them ,showing an enormous crystal chandelier. "is uhm..is anyone home?" i said feeling uncomfortable as i got out of the car. "uh yea. my Dad and Meghan." he said. i hated his sister. she was one of cherries friends. i sighed loudly. "okay. lets get this over with.." we walked in his house. it looked even bigger from the inside. it wasn't to colorful. marble white floor. white walls. "Randy. home so early?" i heard his dad yell from the other room. "uhh yea." i could tell he felt uncomfortable introducing me to his dad. i wasn't exactly wearing a sweater vest and matching knee length skirt. he came over to us and looked me up and down and smiled slightly. "hello. I'm Stan." he said as he shook my hand. i hesitated then shook his hand. randy was already on the steps motioning me to follow him upstairs. "yea, so this is my room." he said like it WASN'T the most beautiful room ever. it looked like a room for a prince. "ur kidding right?.. i feel like Cinderella." i said smiling and looking around the room. he smirked and laughed a bit. i saw a picture on his dresser and picked it up. "who's this?" i asked. "mom." he said with not much emotion. "wow. total milf." i said joking around nodding my head. "he cracked a smile, but it quickly faded. "no but shes real pretty." i said still looking at the picture. "yea she was." he said also looking at it. "was?" i said. "yea she uhh..she died when i was 13." he said looking at the floor. and that was one of the first times I've ever seen pain in a socs eyes. emotional pain. "sorry.." i said quietly. he sighed. "things happen." he said walking away to avoid continuing the subject. "so lets get started on this project shall we?" he said getting out his stuff. we sat on his floor and did our work..
after about an hour i started getting bored and side tracked (well of course, its me xD.) he was asking me questions about my life as i tried to balance my pencil on my nose. "ugh. can we go do something else? we've been asking each other questions for like. 6 hours." i said in a whiny voice. "its only been an hour..but okay okay. I'm supposed to show you what its like to be me to i guess." He said and got up to put his stuff away. "wait were are you going?" i said "were going out." he said as if i had no say in the matter. "oh no no no no. no offense adderson. but ur friends aren't exactly my cup of tea." i said kind of laughing at the thought of actually spending a day with a bunch of socs. "well don't worry. Bob isn't attending this get together. I'll tell them to keep there hands to themselves." he said. "...and what makes you think i can trust you?" i said before he went to walk out his bedroom door. he turned around and looked at me. "can't you just trust me for today? I don't want to fail this project. were not going to jump you or anything, now come on. get ur notebook u got to write down what we do.." He said leaving the room before i could protest. i sighed and grabbed my notebook.
We got to this kids house and there i saw cherry, Marsha, Meghan (addersons' sister) and a few other boys outside. i became nauseated at the sight. They whispered and giggled. I walked up to them with Randy. "hey. quit ur giggling. I'm required to be here. And don't worry. I'm just here to observe. Trust me. i don't want to be here just as much as u don't want me here. They rolled their eyes and carried on with their conversation. one of Randys friends james brought out a bottle of whine and Vodka. The girls were so..idk. Fake? theyve been treated like royalty their whole lives they didnt even get a chance to mold thier personalities from mistakes or sadness.they were fake and concieted. i swear, their heads were so big that they were ganna snap off thier necks. I wrote things down. but their wasnt much to say.
The boys played football in the yard. i sat on the steps sort of near the girls. but not close enough to catch thier cooties. The boys were kind of like us..they fooled around and laughed. they acted sort of like brothers.
The sun started to go down so we all went to the movies. I DID NOT want to be seen in public with these people. i was freaking out on the inside. i kept thinking,
inhale. exhale. inhale exhale.
We got out of the car and walked in the drive in. And then i saw meghan Whisper in cherries ear. then look at me. Knowing me. i wasnt going to let that slide. "Yo. got something to share Meghan?" I said with my bout to slap a hoe look on my face. She came in my face. we all stopped walking. i knew shit was bout to go down. i just kept thinking, sorry randy..
"Go home greaser. I dont want my brother near any greasy sluts." She said waving her manicured finger in my face. I started at her with a slight grin. "sweetie. You must not know my reputation to well. because you would have known that was a terrible idea." i said shaking my head. "No no. i know ur reputation very well Greaser. But i figured maybe u were smart enough not to touch me when your with a bunch of socs." she said smiling. i grabbed her by the hair and punched her in the face with my other hand. not my best punch. but it was enough to fuck up her nose job. Ill take it :P. "whoops. guess im not smart enough." i said shrugging my shoulders. at this point Randy was holding back his sister from trying to hit me back. the others were suprised i hit her in thier territory. But I was even more suprised..because i decided to trust Randy that one night. I knew he wouldnt let them all jump me. atleast not today. James held back meghan as Randy grabbed me by the wrist like a child, and pulled me to his car. He was pissed xD. I laughed to myself a little. "ow." i said. thinking thatd make him let go or loosen his tight grip on my wrist. but no. we got in the car as i rubbed my wrist. We didnt talk so much as he drove me back to our side of town. "what the hell were u thinking?" he said with anger. "OH COME ONNN. she was asking for it, you heard her!" i said defending myself. "You could have gotten yourself jumped. your lucky i got you out of there greaser. any other time i would have let them have you. but a promise is a promise..ur lucky." he said lowering his voice to a normal level. "told you. i told u i couldnt hang out with them." i said sort of loudly. "You couldnt try?! you couldnt just brush it off when she said that!?" he yelled at me. "oh so its my fault?!" i said responding loudly. there was a pause. i saw him smirk and he let out a a slight laugh. "listen to us. we sound like an old married couple." he said looking at the road. "yea well. any other time we would have been at eachothers throats by now.." i said smirking. "yea.." he said still smirking. "uhmm drop me off right here." i said looking out the window. i got out of the car and shut the door. "ur coming here tomorrow." i said to him through the open car window. "alright. later greaser." he said with a little grin. "later adderson." i said smiling a little. I walked to my house and shut the door.
I went to Bed...maybe feeling a little excited for tomorrow.
Monday, September 13, 2010
glitter in the air part 2 (a walk in my shoes)
I woke up to the beautiful sound of birds singing and sunshine illuminating my room...
nah im just playin Xp. i woke up to the beautiful sound of brooke blow drying her hair, singing some song, and johnny using a power drill at the wonderful hour of 6 AM -.-. and god knows that boy aint trained in any type of carpentry. I got up to kill them both. "GUYS! ITS ONLY 6 IN THE MORNING!!" i screamed. "yes dawn, it is, so get ur ass up and get ready for school!" brook said smiling."watch it smart ass" i said giving her the death stare, and grumbled somthing under my breathe as i walked into my room.I got ready and went to go get that choclate bar curtis kid so we could walk to school. I walked into the curtis house seeing if kitty was ready. no one was in sight. "yo K.C.!" i said yelling. i looked around the house and everyone was M.I.A. i looked at my phone to check the time, and i saw a message from kit. "dearest D.C., i decided to be a bad friend and not wait for you because you take to frickin long to get ready, and i have a test that i dont plan on flunking. sorry <3" I made a loud sigh and walked out the door. i guess it was just me. I got to class only 10 minutes late. (new record!), and sat down next to my friend, completley ignoring my assigned seat. "Dawn Cade. get in ur assigned seat, ur already 10 minutes late to class." the teacher said tryin to sound like a hot shot.oh how i hate teachers -.-. "whatever man." i said rolling my eyes and dragging myself to my seat. the class giggled. "okay today we are going to do a group project for the next two weeks about getting to know one another." the teach said. it was only the third day of school and we were already doing a project? what a hard ass. so to make a long, boring description of a project short, teach would give us a partner, and then we would hang out with them at thier house and see how they live for one week, and then the other partner the next week and write a report about it blah blah blah.teach opend her fat mouth again "okay so ive already picked the partners. Alyson with joey, sam with rachel, jason with Bob, cherry with lisa, Dawn with randy.." and thats when i died. i looked across the room and saw Sheldons little sidekick smiling back at me like a little bitch. "we start today so bring ur partner home." the teacher said making me even more mad. I told myself fuck it, and i was just going to skip out on the project. "oh and the project is worth 40 percent of ur marking period grade." she added. i was about to murder that bitch for putting me with randy. the bell rang and the day went on. we were told to come back to our first period at the end of the day to go meet up with our partners. I walked in the class to find randy, bob, cherry, marsha, lacey, paul, and james at the back of the class room looking as stuck up as ever. "okay class get with ur partners!" the teach yelled. so like the Ballsy kid that i am, i went up to randy and stared at him like a sassy bitch :p. "dont worry greaser, im just as pissed about this as you are." he said giving me a nasty look back. "whatever adderson, just dont piss me off and i wont have to mess up ur face." i said. "You know cade, being such a smart ass isnt going to get you anywere, it will simply have u jumped." he said with a smirk. "You know what u curly headed fuck?!" i said raising my fist to his face. the teach stepped in "Hey! pipe down! this is a class room! now u better both act like adults or i WILL fail u on this project, and Dawn once again, watch your language or im writing you up." i stared at randy and shook my head. i walked out of the class room and Adderson followed. "yeah. behave Cade. im so sick of u greasers and ur appaling behavior." he said with disgust. i ignored him. i figured i could beat the living shit out of him AFTER the project. I turned around and stopped him in his tracks. "LOOK. i want to beat the shit out of you, and I KNOW u want to beat the shit out of me to. but we have a project that could make us flunk the marking period if we keep picking on eachother. so suck it up and make this unpleasent situation tolerable." i said with a serious face. thier was a pause and randy just looked at me, probably considering what i said. "come on..let me show you what its like to be a socs."
nah im just playin Xp. i woke up to the beautiful sound of brooke blow drying her hair, singing some song, and johnny using a power drill at the wonderful hour of 6 AM -.-. and god knows that boy aint trained in any type of carpentry. I got up to kill them both. "GUYS! ITS ONLY 6 IN THE MORNING!!" i screamed. "yes dawn, it is, so get ur ass up and get ready for school!" brook said smiling."watch it smart ass" i said giving her the death stare, and grumbled somthing under my breathe as i walked into my room.I got ready and went to go get that choclate bar curtis kid so we could walk to school. I walked into the curtis house seeing if kitty was ready. no one was in sight. "yo K.C.!" i said yelling. i looked around the house and everyone was M.I.A. i looked at my phone to check the time, and i saw a message from kit. "dearest D.C., i decided to be a bad friend and not wait for you because you take to frickin long to get ready, and i have a test that i dont plan on flunking. sorry <3" I made a loud sigh and walked out the door. i guess it was just me. I got to class only 10 minutes late. (new record!), and sat down next to my friend, completley ignoring my assigned seat. "Dawn Cade. get in ur assigned seat, ur already 10 minutes late to class." the teacher said tryin to sound like a hot shot.oh how i hate teachers -.-. "whatever man." i said rolling my eyes and dragging myself to my seat. the class giggled. "okay today we are going to do a group project for the next two weeks about getting to know one another." the teach said. it was only the third day of school and we were already doing a project? what a hard ass. so to make a long, boring description of a project short, teach would give us a partner, and then we would hang out with them at thier house and see how they live for one week, and then the other partner the next week and write a report about it blah blah blah.teach opend her fat mouth again "okay so ive already picked the partners. Alyson with joey, sam with rachel, jason with Bob, cherry with lisa, Dawn with randy.." and thats when i died. i looked across the room and saw Sheldons little sidekick smiling back at me like a little bitch. "we start today so bring ur partner home." the teacher said making me even more mad. I told myself fuck it, and i was just going to skip out on the project. "oh and the project is worth 40 percent of ur marking period grade." she added. i was about to murder that bitch for putting me with randy. the bell rang and the day went on. we were told to come back to our first period at the end of the day to go meet up with our partners. I walked in the class to find randy, bob, cherry, marsha, lacey, paul, and james at the back of the class room looking as stuck up as ever. "okay class get with ur partners!" the teach yelled. so like the Ballsy kid that i am, i went up to randy and stared at him like a sassy bitch :p. "dont worry greaser, im just as pissed about this as you are." he said giving me a nasty look back. "whatever adderson, just dont piss me off and i wont have to mess up ur face." i said. "You know cade, being such a smart ass isnt going to get you anywere, it will simply have u jumped." he said with a smirk. "You know what u curly headed fuck?!" i said raising my fist to his face. the teach stepped in "Hey! pipe down! this is a class room! now u better both act like adults or i WILL fail u on this project, and Dawn once again, watch your language or im writing you up." i stared at randy and shook my head. i walked out of the class room and Adderson followed. "yeah. behave Cade. im so sick of u greasers and ur appaling behavior." he said with disgust. i ignored him. i figured i could beat the living shit out of him AFTER the project. I turned around and stopped him in his tracks. "LOOK. i want to beat the shit out of you, and I KNOW u want to beat the shit out of me to. but we have a project that could make us flunk the marking period if we keep picking on eachother. so suck it up and make this unpleasent situation tolerable." i said with a serious face. thier was a pause and randy just looked at me, probably considering what i said. "come on..let me show you what its like to be a socs."
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
glitter in the air pt 1
loosing hope feels like shit.
ive came to the conclusion that Bob Sheldon is the antichrist. if his goal is to knock us down, when were not to high up to begin with... like kicking a sick puppy. I give up. you win sheldon. tare me down all you want. i just dont care.
It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns latley. moneys been kind of tight for us, bob's been rubbin me the wrong way, and i dont know. everything just kind of sucks. not trying to sound like a moody bitch or nothin..
i feel alone. i know your all thier, i know you care, and i know you would help me with anything. no offense you guys..but even when you are thier, i still feel alone. i dont know how to explain it. thier must be somthing wrong with me i guess :/. ahh well. ill deal. i guess..
it was around 10 30 pm ish. rainy,kind of cold,and crappy out. i had on my sweatshirt with the hood pulled over my head, with my old jeans and converse. I walked on the curb trying to balance. like we did when we were kids. wandering helped. just me and my mind. i ended up at the park. i sat on the wet swings. thinking about things i could change for myself, and the things i cant change. "look at you, all alone in the rain huh cade?" i looked up slightly. my favorite people standing in front of me -.-. nothing but a couple of socs to top off the fucking day. "whats wrong? run out of vodka?" he laughed. so did they. i just stared at him, still on the swings. i knew i wasnt going to do anything. i couldnt. i felt frozen and to crappy to help myself. and i knew you could see it on my face. but they dont care, they like our missery. I stood up. looking up at the one who did all the talking. he looked confused or troubled for a split second. like somthing was bothering him. maybe because he felt wat i was feeling for just that split second. "come on dalton! do somthin!" his friends said behind him. he smiled an evil one. and within a second he had me pressed against a tree, grabbing my throat. i had my eyes shut, pulling back tears. i didnt want to satisfy him and let him know i was terrified. i opend my eyes. and again, i saw that look on his face. his friends were standing a good 10 ft behind us, grining. he looked behind at them. still holding a tight grip on my throat. "do somthing. you got what you wanted socs. im not fighting back. i wont feel it. im already numb." i said wispering in a shaky voice. still holding back tears.
and he loosind his grip, and let go. he just kept staring at me with that look of confusion and curiosness. "come on man whatr ya doin?" they looked at him like he was crazy. but they were behind him so he didnt see. he whisperd in my ear..
"mental pain can hurt alot more then physical. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict. and you've got enough of it.. get better kid." he walked away. his four friends were shocked, even though they didnt hear what was sed. i heard them asking him questions about why he did nothing. and he kept quite. and just got into the car with them. i slid down the tree and sat on the wet ground confused and shocked with my jaw practically on the floor. the blue mustang started up, and drove away. i watched it disapear into the darkness. i just sat and thought motionless. maybe not all of the socs are emotionless monsters...
I checked my phone and it was 11 30. i got up and dusted off my pants. and walked home. "hey sis" brook said sitting next to austin on our couch. "hey" i said with a small smile. "hey you okay?" austin asked.
"yeah...
im fine."
ive came to the conclusion that Bob Sheldon is the antichrist. if his goal is to knock us down, when were not to high up to begin with... like kicking a sick puppy. I give up. you win sheldon. tare me down all you want. i just dont care.
It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns latley. moneys been kind of tight for us, bob's been rubbin me the wrong way, and i dont know. everything just kind of sucks. not trying to sound like a moody bitch or nothin..
i feel alone. i know your all thier, i know you care, and i know you would help me with anything. no offense you guys..but even when you are thier, i still feel alone. i dont know how to explain it. thier must be somthing wrong with me i guess :/. ahh well. ill deal. i guess..
it was around 10 30 pm ish. rainy,kind of cold,and crappy out. i had on my sweatshirt with the hood pulled over my head, with my old jeans and converse. I walked on the curb trying to balance. like we did when we were kids. wandering helped. just me and my mind. i ended up at the park. i sat on the wet swings. thinking about things i could change for myself, and the things i cant change. "look at you, all alone in the rain huh cade?" i looked up slightly. my favorite people standing in front of me -.-. nothing but a couple of socs to top off the fucking day. "whats wrong? run out of vodka?" he laughed. so did they. i just stared at him, still on the swings. i knew i wasnt going to do anything. i couldnt. i felt frozen and to crappy to help myself. and i knew you could see it on my face. but they dont care, they like our missery. I stood up. looking up at the one who did all the talking. he looked confused or troubled for a split second. like somthing was bothering him. maybe because he felt wat i was feeling for just that split second. "come on dalton! do somthin!" his friends said behind him. he smiled an evil one. and within a second he had me pressed against a tree, grabbing my throat. i had my eyes shut, pulling back tears. i didnt want to satisfy him and let him know i was terrified. i opend my eyes. and again, i saw that look on his face. his friends were standing a good 10 ft behind us, grining. he looked behind at them. still holding a tight grip on my throat. "do somthing. you got what you wanted socs. im not fighting back. i wont feel it. im already numb." i said wispering in a shaky voice. still holding back tears.
and he loosind his grip, and let go. he just kept staring at me with that look of confusion and curiosness. "come on man whatr ya doin?" they looked at him like he was crazy. but they were behind him so he didnt see. he whisperd in my ear..
"mental pain can hurt alot more then physical. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict. and you've got enough of it.. get better kid." he walked away. his four friends were shocked, even though they didnt hear what was sed. i heard them asking him questions about why he did nothing. and he kept quite. and just got into the car with them. i slid down the tree and sat on the wet ground confused and shocked with my jaw practically on the floor. the blue mustang started up, and drove away. i watched it disapear into the darkness. i just sat and thought motionless. maybe not all of the socs are emotionless monsters...
I checked my phone and it was 11 30. i got up and dusted off my pants. and walked home. "hey sis" brook said sitting next to austin on our couch. "hey" i said with a small smile. "hey you okay?" austin asked.
"yeah...
im fine."
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
the "hot mess" is after your ass sheldon :)
i woke up at the usual, 3 pm. i dragged myself out of bed, made johnny make me some pancakes, got dressed, and left the house.hanging out with friends wasnt on the agenda for today. as most of you know i tend to do stupid, scratch that. fucked up things when im mad. sheldon crossed the line a longggg time ago. but now he crossed MY line, and thats a pretty big mistake on his part. So? what do i do? i got dressed, and left to find sheldon on the socs side. by myself. yea i know i know, stupid stupid STUPID idea. i agree it wasnt my most thought over plan, but its somthing i felt was a good idea at the time being. So i walked.. with only a switch in my back pocket, and an angry expression. I didnt plan on using my blade or nothin. unless i had to. i knew dam well i was asking to get jumped,and the closer i got to the socs' side of town, the more i wish i would of brought 1 or two people along. i finally made it over to the socs side, wishing i hadnt gone. but i wasnt about to turn around now. my pride got in the way, i couldnt let him do that to one of my friends and my brother and get away with it. i knew i could beat up bob..probably. but not him AND his friends. i got out my cell phone, tempted to call shy over. but i felt a cold hand on my shoulder. i jumped, and turned around. no other then a couple of ape faces with devilish grins. i stared at them. "nice sweaters. ur mommys knit them for you?" i said smiling. the front man shook his head with a smile on his face, like i said somthing i shouldnt of. "so we got a smart ass on our hands, dont we boys?" they laughed and the one spit on the ground next to him. i knew damn well i couldnt take them all, im not stupid. i rolled my eyes. "why dont you go fuck yourselves okay?" i said looking at them cooly. "well miss cade, your in our territory, arent you? that means your our territory." They started walking towards me, sort of circling in. i took out my blade but the one hit it out of my hand. i gotta start holding a tighter grip on that thing man :/. the front man grabbed my wrist and pulled me to his chest. "ya know your pretty for a greaser girl." he said with an evil smile. "let me go!" i said and punched him in the face. he let go of my wrist, but i saw someone punch another one of the guys in the face. it was andrew brumley..what was he doing on this side of town? i grabbed my knife and cut the other socs that grabbed me across the throat. then they all ran. and me and andrew were left alone in the middle of the street. "hey you okay?" andrew said out of breathe. "yea...yea im fine." i said looking around. i looked at my wrist. it had a red ring around it. "pshht well dont i feel like a woose" i said laughing. "you didnt need to help me. i could have handled it" i said, knowing i was lieng to myself. "yea yea sure" he said sarcasticly. I put my knife in my back pocket and we started walking back to our side. "so why were you over on this side of town?" he said looking confused. "im here because bobs an ass, and i was trying to find him..but they found me first." i said smirking. "better question. why are you here?" i said looking up at him. "i had some buissness to take care of with a socs." he said looking straight in front of him. the walk back was just about everything. we talked about family and friends, socs, all our problems we both have alot of. i got to my house around 6 o clock. johnny was laying in pain on the couch. just seeing that almost made me go back out to look for bob again. but i didnt. i just waked silently to my room. This aint over bob. i will find you.
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